safe and sound -originally posted on june 1

'Maybe this is forever
Forever fades away
Like a rocket ascending into space
Could you not be sad?
Could you not break down?
After all, I won't let go
Until you're safe and sound
Until you're safe and sound
There's beauty in release
There's no one left to please but you and me'

its hard. learning to let go. to really acknowledge something and to release it and turn and not look back. i've had to to alot of this lately. I'm being remolded inside. Gods working miracles in my life, i can feel His had in the decisions I'm making, it is a comfort, a peace, a peace like i've never known. its hard to let some of the things go that I'm being called to let go. i know that its for the best, but the part of me that still wants to hold onto the past is getting a little persistent on things.

claire has been on my mind lately. for those of you who dont know, she was a friend of a friend from high school who shot herself on tuesday night. mom and jeremy and i have been talking about it alot. its really tragic. i can understand where thee thought comes from, i've been there, i've been to the absolute edge and had to make the decision to step off of the cliff and turn around and give it another shot. alot of people are walking around with this complete misunderstanding of what its like to be in her shoes. I'm so glad i didn't make that ultimate decision. i've had the privilege of meeting some of the most beautiful people in the world. but at the time, there was no other solution. its hard sometimes, even now, to look at how things are and not want to just go to sleep and not wake up. i didn't know her very well, i'd talked to to her at parties and stuff but never really gotten to know her, but it just really hits home.

its been hard to get to sleep lately, i've been having nightmares, about some of the people i care about most. its difficult, I'm completely burnt out. i've got the most consuming lust for life, its a fire that just burns through me every second, but the stress of everyday things is getting to me as well. i know it will pass, but i've got some big stuff coming up. exams are in a couple of weeks, katrina and i are moving to 'the exchange' on july 1st. between now and then i need to get a job or at least a semi permanent gig to earn some extra cash. Katie's wedding is in august, school will start at the end of that. i'll readily admit that I'm a victim of letting the future events that do me no good to worry about get to me now. I'm letting go, its just hard sometimes.

there are some things that I'm really excited about. they're making me absolutely lifting my heart. I'm so blessed. truly. I'm going to pray about these things and trust that God will have his way, i know that i'll be happy only if His plan is upheld. but i absolutely have to say, i hope this is part of the plan. I'm excited about everything thats coming up as well, (be it that these are the non stressful things :) ) theres a possibility that i could have a book of my poems published. nothing big, but its the first thing that will be published. i've got some art projects that are in the works. i got a twin lens reflex for my birthday and mom and dad are ordering film for it this weekend, its going to be an excellent tool. I'm going to get a book i've been eyeing at books a million thats a compilation of portraits that have appeared in 'vogue' magazine. they're all absolutely gorgeous, and even though i'll be interjecting my own style, i can definitely take a few ideas from the greats. i've got alot of friends that I'm really excited to get to photograph. kie and ava have invited me to come to practice with them when they practice at the church on Thursday nights so that i can get some shots there. i've also been talking to some of the church staff about going to the coffee house for 'friday night light' and taking a few key shots from each performance, having them printed and framed and setting them up in the coffeehouse to add in there. so, stress inducers are here, but some really great stuff is happening. as i said, I'm really praying that things will work out as i hope they will. if they do, i really think things are going to be so happy for me. I'm so excited to see what God has in store.

something to remind nathan that we really miss him! have an excellent trip! Gods hand is so evident in you and in your life, and your music, i know your going to bless so many people while your over there! we're praying for you! i encourage everyone to follow his journey as he writes in his travel blog, it can be found up in the 'au revoir' tab on the left at the top of the page, just click on the 'nathan' link and follow him as he journeys!

يمكن إلهة باركت أنت على أسفارك حالت حبّنا يكون مع أنت

<3 Jamie