Where do I begin?

Lying in bed.
Fan spinning above,
Stirring the air.
Close my eyes,
Windows down
Warmth on my face
Wind through my hair
Scenes fly by.
Hand out the window
Time runs through my fingers.

Where do I start?
Where do I begin?
Lying in this bed
memories wash over me
smiling at nothing at the thought.
Time breaks over me
as I lie here in perfect peace.
Where do I start?
Where do I begin?

Kind of crazy how things come to you. Just waking up as the sun rises through my open window. Life felt gorgeous again. I felt myself finally wake up. Like I've been asleep for too long. A hangover from time that I've broken from. It really is extraordinary. A perfect peace. A smile I carry with me where before there was a frown.

I'm not really sure how it came to me. Just kind of drifted in through a dream. Or maybe Its been slowly building and it just flooded in this morning. Whatever, wherever it came from. Its gorgeous and I'm not going to let it go. I just woke up this morning and watched the sun rise. Felt that first warm light that kind of breaks through the chill of the night. It was like I was rejuvenated. Like a really deep breath of fresh cool air after a sweltering heatwave. My spirit just calmed. I'm not really sure what it is. There was nothing different from any other morning, nothing explosive has happened in my life, it was just this perfect peace. Like someone came and gave me a big warm hug and washed away all of the brokenness that kind of dominated this summer. A really great calm after a very long storm.

I'm not sure what it is. I've been trying to figure it out all day. I went out for a drive earlier and just headed out to Little Washington to see the water. The sea, or any part of it calms me. The air was warm and had that gorgeous smell of sweet water. It was really perfect. I loved the drive and everyone who knows me knows how the sea makes me happy. I just stood on the boardwalk and thought. It hasn't been me getting better sleep. I sleep and have weird dreams as always, or night terrors, as always. I'm used to it by now, so I usually just get up and go outside and read until I feel tired again. I've been hanging out with James and Kitch more lately. Which is lovely, as always. They're truly great guys. Neither one realizes their spirit. Its funny to watch them get so passionate about games and football or whatever else we happen to be doing. James and I have been talking alot as well, which is gorgeous and weird. Hes very like me, oddly like me, refreshing to have meet someone who gets it. He has a very gorgeous inner light, I wish he could see it, sometimes it peaks through when we talk and it makes his face light up. One day I suppose.

Life is great as always. Gorgeous friends, extraordinary family. I miss Jeremy and Jordan. I cant wait until Thanksgiving Break when we get to go up to New Jersey again. It'll be nice to be able to spend some really quality time with them. They're growing up so fast. Its so weird, and so gorgeous. Jordan and I usually hang out on Wednesdays since I go home for church and family dinner. We went to eat with mom and then the three of us went to Target and just walked around. It was gorgeous to just see him. I don't think he realizes how proud of him I am. Hes really a killer young man. Great personality, a gorgeous spirit. The most beautiful inner light, just like Jeremy. I miss them both so much when they're gone. We had another woman who knew us when we were little, she was our attending when all three of us were born on base, she always remembers us as the three babies who came out with a full head of white curly hair. She just went nuts. I know shes seen us grow up, we go to the pediatric ward every time we're in the base hospital for checkups and whatnot. (She was the one who helped me when I collapsed and had my 105 temperature when I got the really bad kidney infection, she got me the fluids and the ice bath, so shes seen us at our best AND worst). She kept looking at Jordan and I and saying out striking we looked. She said we looked gorgeous in that very ancient kind of way. Shes Irish blood like us and commented on how we reminded her of our Irish brethren. It was nice to hear. Image is a problem I struggle with, and I'm normally one to smile and say thank you and then turn and think 'She was just being nice', but she had the look, her eyes were so sincere. I knew she meant it. It really touched me. I know that was a factor in this peace. We got my loan crap worked out, ECU was being stupid for so long I just kept worrying. Now everything is taken care of and I can follow through and not worry about all that stuff. Work is great, I start fully laying out my sections tomorrow. News and Sports. Fridays are ads as usual. Its going to be a great year. Ed has me working on the site for the Rebel, so that's exciting as well, now if he could only send me those typefaces...hahaha. I'm working with 20some and their design crew, which is killer, I get to work on something close to my heart that I really have a passion for. I'm revamping my entire personal site as well. Really taking it to a new level. My design has vastly improved so I want to utilize those skills so my clients can see what I can really do. Writings going well. I'm blocked up on my book, which is annoying. But I gave myself this semester to work it out. So I'm OK so far. I'm working on my poetry and short stories. We'll see where those go from here. Maybe a small book with a small company. I'll keep everyone posted on it. Schools gorgeous as well. I love my classes, I love our discussions and I love having a break from my artwork. I'm producing better photographs and designs now that I've had a break, so that's gorgeous. I'll be posting more soon. I'm getting in closer with the archaeologists here at university, which is lovely. I love talking to them about their own experiences and having them analyze me to see where I stand. I miss my art classes, but next semester will be full of them, so I suppose I'll be ok till then. Concentrate on Graphics and Photography submissions and things will go gorgeously.

I went to see 'The Covenant' this afternoon with James and Kitch. It was absolutely stunning. I love supernatural themed movies, the music was bangin as well. Soundtracks are my life. Speaking of which, I've posted on my myspace a soundtrack of my life where I went through my playlist and kept hitting shuffle to see which songs belonged where. It was fun. The results were pretty stellar, it got me thinking. So I'm doing a Nick Hornby '31 Songs' esqe piece soon to be published here or on my site. A full two disk set soundtrack to my life, complete with music and the essays about how they related and whatnot. Sound intriguing? I'm having great fun writing it. Its mostly being composed on my lunch breaks in wright plaza, so if you ever get bored and want to come have a tea with me, call and we'll do it. Maybe you'll be lucky and get a glimpse of the Songs Project, pre release. Or a free copy of the soundtrack. Haha. Thanks Joe for the cds, now you know what they're used for.

As for this feeling. I love it. I'm not going to let it go. Things are stellar right now and I absolutely love it. I don't feel uptight about time like before. Where I used to have to plan meticulously, I'm just letting things wash over me now. Cest la vie. Its gorgeous. Mom loves the new attitude change and is remarking that its making me glow. So that's lovely as well. Its funny, this week was full of disappointments, it should have been one of those things where it was like little pieces of glass cutting me all over. Making things hard to do without thinking about the pain. It has, thankfully, not been so. Hanging out with gorgeous people and basking in this kind of peace is really gorgeous Its not any one thing, just the sum of all the things in my life that are really just going stellar, so to all of you who made this possible, Thank you, thank you, thank you.