The fountain.

For most of you who know me, this is a vast understatement, for those of you who don't, here it goes. I'm a movie fanatic. I adore cinema. I've written movies of my own, I've helped make movies for my friends all my life. If I see a trailer for a new movie, I write it on my calendar and I go on opening night so I can get the "full" experience. I desire to feel the absolute newness, to be completely awed at what cinematographers and screenwriters are doing as our technology and guts get deeper and more intricate. I'm always amazed at what we come up with, the angles, the plots, the graphics, its all such an awesome experience to me. I'm one to go into movies, watch them and come out changed. I'm a poster child for the fact that major media has an effect on its viewers. I'm always profoundly struck by the characters struggles and trials in movies, I come out with a deeper and more full understanding of the depths of the human experience as shown by characters in the movies I watch. This said, I'm a movie nut, but I'm extraordinarily picky. My friends generally don't like going with me because I'm completely serious when it comes to my movie choices and etiquette. I don't talk during movies, nor suffer others to interrupt my experience, I also don't watch crap movies. My tastes are legendary with those around me, If I own it, or rave about it, its excellent work, trust me, its not me being prideful (I own every Disney animated feature ever made). Its just the way I was raised, the creativity that flows through me, and the novelist in me that makes me discern so strongly. That said, I've recently gotten several trailers in my email (see what I mean? Completely nuts about cinema), and am struck by some of the subject matter. So I've decided to that I will create a new series on the subjects of some of my favorites and some of the great movies that I've seen that will be coming out soon. How they effect me now, what their subjects bring to mind, my opinions basically. I'm really excited about it. I've written movie reviews for several journals and things for years and seem (according to responses I get) to be really good at discussing issues in movies and how they are relevant to the real world. So sit back, grab so popcorn and read my stream of consciousness on what's going on in the marriage of Jamie and Cinema!

'The fountain' and Immortality.

Its a concept that I've been obsessed with for as long as I can remember. I am a child of two avid readers, two stark realists who somehow succeeded in instilling an absolutely overpowering sense of idealism and imagination into me, their only daughter. I've always been treated differently from my two brothers because of the way I've thought. Its never been a big deal until recently when upon going to New Jersey to see my grandmother and to celebrate her 90th birthday, we all realized just how completely different I am from the rest of my family. Its gotten me into lots of trouble before, my overactive imagination, and as one has already guessed, my idealism adds a burden onto me. I'm often discouraged and disappointed by people and the world because the world I inhabit within myself everything is at its absolute best and as this is definitely not the case in the real world, I often have to stop myself from slipping into a depression because I find it to difficult to bear with what is real as opposed to what I think all is supposed to be. This is all said because I've been completely enthralled with the idea of immortality all my life. My father read a lot of fiction to me when I was younger and mythology was a huge part of my upbringing. I was always astounded at the acts done by gods and goddesses who were relinquished of the fear of death. I found myself believing that they were great, not because of supernatural power or strength, but because of their complete faith in t he fact that they had no reason to fear death or end. Its an enticing idea. I think its what drew me so close to Christianity. The idea that I'll live forever, that I am the focus of a love far greater than that of any mortal man by an immortal and unending God. The idea that I'll spend eternity in a place of endless knowledge and passion is an overwhelming comfort to me in this dark and dreary world. The idea of a place without disappointment is absolutely extraordinary to me.

This movie, 'The fountain' is one that will be coming out in the Fall of this year. (Just in time for the Oscar race-which I hope it sweeps). Its starring Rachel Weiz (my second fave actress) and Hugh Jackman (my fourth fave actor -- Yes I have lists). The plot is intricate and tied to the idea that a man (Hughs character) finds a tree, the sap of which give eternal life to its drinker. He shares this the woman he loves (Rachels character) and they begin a life of eternal love together. As always things begin to happen and the plot evolves into a way to find a way that they can always be together no matter what they circumstances. The movie looks incredible, I've been following it for the last year, its been in post production for a long time because of the intense graphics needed. I'm really looking forward to see what the filmmakers have in store.

So what of this idea of immortality? Enticing. Of course. As one who has an insatiable thirst for knowledge I would jump at the opportunity to have such a life if only to get to the point where I have learned everything there is to know. There is another movie which draws on this idea as well, but in a more religious/supernatural sense, 'The Order' staring Heath Ledger and Shannon Sossamyon is a story about a priest (Heath Leger) whose mentor dies mysteriously in Rome of supernatural means. When he goes back to learn what happened he finds himself at a point where he must choose between his priesthood and love. The wrench in the plot is a character, Matthew Eden, called 'The other'. He is a man who, by taking in the sins, actually allows the person to bypass the catholic dogma of capital sins and enter heaven by means other than the church. He offers the position to Heaths character and that's where the story turns to the all important question. For one, Heaths character is insatiable in his thirst for knowledge, reading, learning everything he can, on the other hand he must choose between life of eternal life and knowledge and a life without the one he truly loves. I guess this is my dilemma. I would say right now that, if offered, I would take the chance at immortality, if only to have the chance to learn all I can and see everything that I can. To be free of the fear of death and have the chance to do more than what one can in a thousand lifetimes is enthralling and captivating. However, the question begs, what if I were to meet my 'One', the one that I want to love forever, would I be able to handle living on eternally young while they wither and die? Would I be able to live without them? These are the important aspects. As far as we know, true eternal earthy life is the stuff of myth and fantasy, but what if it were real? What if I could choose? What if I were given the opportunity to live forever? I'm one to say that when it comes to love I'm an idealist as well, I can say that when I meet that One that God has specially reserved for me, that I will love that person forever. I'm one to say that I don't want to live without them. I'm one to say that I don't want them to die without me, that I don't want them to grow old without me. I've often joke with my parents that I will die before they will because I don't know how I will live without them, the same with my brothers. Its sounds completely morbid that I joke about it, but because of things that have happened in our family, its been brought up several times. I don't know what I'll do without them. I'll have no one else, there are currently nine Crouthamels in our line, my family, my uncles family and my grandmother. If my family dies, I have Uncle Dave, Jan and Josh, after them, its no one else for me. I'm a complete daddys girl, and my father is in his later 50s. I don't even want to think what I'm going to do when he dies. My brothers are my soul mates, I helped to raise both of them, their like my own children in some senses, I don't know how I would be able to make sense the things that happen to me if I didn't have them with me.

So where do you draw that line? To say, yes, I want to see the world, I want to see what happens throughout time until time exists no more. I want to say that, previous experience taken into account, that love grows old and dies, and new love blooms. That if I were to live forever, that I would have many great loves, each special and unique and important in their own ways. Each would live on forever in me all equally in my heart. When does love grow old though? Would I tire of the constant push and pull of loves tides? Would I come to realize that love, not time, is the illusion, that love is a beautiful flower in a great and mighty forest, just one more aspect in the magnificence that is life? The question also surfaces, how would my faith come into play with immortality? Would I live until the world ends and then go to be with Christ? Would I grow weary of the wars fought in the name of "the will of God" and become disillusioned then? In essence. Would I grow tired of life? Or maybe I would learn, as I have learned over the years, that life and time are just cages for the most important of all things, the most precious of all treasures, the soul. That we do, in fact, live on forever, just as we are now, without the trappings of disease and flesh and disappointment and hate. That these things shall all pass away and we will see glory in what our souls desire.

That the truth about immortality is that it is, in fact, real. That we're all immortal in what each of us believe.