Completely Real.
Real.
Its something we all aspire to be. Completely real. 100% ourselves. Its something we so desire, but something we so avoid. We hide the pieces of ourselves that we think aren't shiny enough, aren't pretty enough, are too dark, or too light. We search for the ever elusive 'Happy medium' where we have just enough of ourselves on the table that we don't feel completely fake, but not too much as to show the flaws in the diamond. We can say we're "real" all day, but the bottom line is, if its not you, then its not you.
I've been struggling with being real for a long time. Its something I desire to be, as it is with everyone. We're told constantly in the Word that we are a unique creation, beautiful and beloved in Gods eyes. Somewhere, somehow that message got lost and we started to look for ways to be more like this person, or more like that person. We so badly desire to "fit in" that we sacrifice the beauty that is ourselves in order to fall into a line with the people around us to do the same to fall in with the people before them. Is a vicious cycle that's created such heartache and monotony.
I'm often asked why I choose to be so rebellious. Why the black nails, the long hair, the weird clothes, the completely rebellious style in ideas and life. My answer is usually something along the lines of, well, its what I want to wear or say or think or feel or act or look like. I so hate people who try so hard to be just like one group or another. I really value my independence and desire to be my own person. Even in so doing, its not me being completely real. Its me choosing things and being certian ways, but still hiding certian things.
I got my real experience today. I shot the football game today against Marshall University. I was a nervous wreck until I stepped out onto that field. The energy in that place, the cheers of the fans, the energy on the field, the gorgeous people I spent the day shooting with. All of it was just this absolutely surreal experience of being exactly where I was supposed to be exactly when I was supposed to be there. I cant really describe what it felt like. I hope everyone has had this experience at least once. I remember standing on the sidelines when we won and cheering and jumping around and giving my friend I was shooting with this huge, run into his arms hug because it was such a perfect day hug. I was standing there looking around me. It was like one of those movie slow motion things, the cannon fired behind me, so there was smoke, there was some confetti that blew out in the purple smoke, there were the players taking off their helmets and raising their fists and cheering with the crowd, there were the fans just soaking in the victory, Skip Holtz came over and introduced himself and had this huge smile on his face, and the other photographers around me were laughing and enjoying it just like I was. It was just a perfect moment. New and gorgeous friends all around, energy swirling in the air, the warm sun on my face and my camera in my hand. It was a great day. A perfect moment. In that moment I felt completely real. 100% myself. The most pure form of Jamie was there. It was incredible.
Its not just the football game that does it. My life's changed immeasurably since my last post. I don't take anything for granted anymore. Theres Matthew, who I feel completely loved and completely happy with. Theres Dan, who I feel completely myself with. Theres Twenty something, the people there, who I feel completely protected and completely broken, but completely whole with. Theres my friends at the school and at the paper who I feel completely gorgeous with. Its a beautiful life. Its a realization that its not what everyone else thinks or sees or feels. Its what I can bring to the table. Its the lives I can change. Its the world I can save that matters.
I've been brought into this place of really great peace and vitality. Like life was lack luster before, now its shiny as a new penny. I made a promise to myself when I got really bad about a month ago. I swore that I would declare my life to be my own and to be beautiful. I've always made the most out of every minute. Now I don't take anything for granted. I don't fear anything that comes my way. If it scares me, its something for me to overcome. Everything I overcome makes me stronger. If its something sad, sadness washes away and paves the way for happiness. A new beginning happens every morning when that sun comes up. I'm not guaranteed a single moment, and for that, I'm going to make every moment count.
I'm not going to waste my time on the fickle world or what everyone thinks. This is me. Just me. Completely me. Completely real.
Its something we all aspire to be. Completely real. 100% ourselves. Its something we so desire, but something we so avoid. We hide the pieces of ourselves that we think aren't shiny enough, aren't pretty enough, are too dark, or too light. We search for the ever elusive 'Happy medium' where we have just enough of ourselves on the table that we don't feel completely fake, but not too much as to show the flaws in the diamond. We can say we're "real" all day, but the bottom line is, if its not you, then its not you.
I've been struggling with being real for a long time. Its something I desire to be, as it is with everyone. We're told constantly in the Word that we are a unique creation, beautiful and beloved in Gods eyes. Somewhere, somehow that message got lost and we started to look for ways to be more like this person, or more like that person. We so badly desire to "fit in" that we sacrifice the beauty that is ourselves in order to fall into a line with the people around us to do the same to fall in with the people before them. Is a vicious cycle that's created such heartache and monotony.
I'm often asked why I choose to be so rebellious. Why the black nails, the long hair, the weird clothes, the completely rebellious style in ideas and life. My answer is usually something along the lines of, well, its what I want to wear or say or think or feel or act or look like. I so hate people who try so hard to be just like one group or another. I really value my independence and desire to be my own person. Even in so doing, its not me being completely real. Its me choosing things and being certian ways, but still hiding certian things.
I got my real experience today. I shot the football game today against Marshall University. I was a nervous wreck until I stepped out onto that field. The energy in that place, the cheers of the fans, the energy on the field, the gorgeous people I spent the day shooting with. All of it was just this absolutely surreal experience of being exactly where I was supposed to be exactly when I was supposed to be there. I cant really describe what it felt like. I hope everyone has had this experience at least once. I remember standing on the sidelines when we won and cheering and jumping around and giving my friend I was shooting with this huge, run into his arms hug because it was such a perfect day hug. I was standing there looking around me. It was like one of those movie slow motion things, the cannon fired behind me, so there was smoke, there was some confetti that blew out in the purple smoke, there were the players taking off their helmets and raising their fists and cheering with the crowd, there were the fans just soaking in the victory, Skip Holtz came over and introduced himself and had this huge smile on his face, and the other photographers around me were laughing and enjoying it just like I was. It was just a perfect moment. New and gorgeous friends all around, energy swirling in the air, the warm sun on my face and my camera in my hand. It was a great day. A perfect moment. In that moment I felt completely real. 100% myself. The most pure form of Jamie was there. It was incredible.
Its not just the football game that does it. My life's changed immeasurably since my last post. I don't take anything for granted anymore. Theres Matthew, who I feel completely loved and completely happy with. Theres Dan, who I feel completely myself with. Theres Twenty something, the people there, who I feel completely protected and completely broken, but completely whole with. Theres my friends at the school and at the paper who I feel completely gorgeous with. Its a beautiful life. Its a realization that its not what everyone else thinks or sees or feels. Its what I can bring to the table. Its the lives I can change. Its the world I can save that matters.
I've been brought into this place of really great peace and vitality. Like life was lack luster before, now its shiny as a new penny. I made a promise to myself when I got really bad about a month ago. I swore that I would declare my life to be my own and to be beautiful. I've always made the most out of every minute. Now I don't take anything for granted. I don't fear anything that comes my way. If it scares me, its something for me to overcome. Everything I overcome makes me stronger. If its something sad, sadness washes away and paves the way for happiness. A new beginning happens every morning when that sun comes up. I'm not guaranteed a single moment, and for that, I'm going to make every moment count.
I'm not going to waste my time on the fickle world or what everyone thinks. This is me. Just me. Completely me. Completely real.
posted by Jamie | 1:04 AM
1 Comments:
Jamie... I like reading your stuff and miss talking with you at twentysomething! It seems like you're doing well.. take care girl!
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