Revolution

Main Entry: rev·o·lu·tion>
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English revolucioun,> from Middle French revolution, from Late Latin revolution-, revolutio,> from Latin revolvere to revolve

a : a sudden, radical, or complete change b : a fundamental change in political organization; especially : the overthrow or renunciation of one government or ruler and the substitution of another by the governed c : activity or movement designed to effect fundamental changes in the socioeconomic situation

Its funny what got me thinking about this. Last night was our fourth show as Waking Hour Music, Daniel Rankin, Matthew Lilley, Chris Schwing and I have brought this idea into reality and its amazing to see how its evolving. It was a great show and I spent the night after the concert at iHop with our musicians and volunteers talking all night. I got back home at 3am and then woke up at 7am to get ready and drive home to Goldsboro for church with my family. Its a normal ritual but this time I was extremely wiped out, the stress from the show, the stress from the first week of school and the design projects I'm undertaking have been weighing on me, so the drive there this morning found me very tired and very blank minded.

I've always been a diversifier in my musical selection in general, I dont adhere to any one form of music, I love every genre, I generally find myself more involved and delving into the alternative rock scene, world music and contemporary christian areas. My mother has made it a point of drilling into my head the need to listen to Christian music in rotation with my regular music because of the uplifting power it has. I've rediscovered its power as of late and am always thankful for the words spoken to my heart through it.

On this particular tired and blank day I turned my cd changer onto my recently purchased (and much adored) CD 'Passion: Everything Glorious', its the live worship from last years Passion Conference and features Chris Tomlin, Matt Redmen, Charlie Hall, David Crowder Band and Kristian Standill. Its an awesome collection of live worship tracks, I encourage everyone to pick it up, its truly amazing music. I let it play through and somewhere around the vicinity of Snow Hill I regained full consciousness and found myself listening to 'We are Yours'. Its my favorite track on the CD and has never ceased to bring me into a spirit of worship, I often find myself sitting in my car with my hands raised, having my own little worship service as I drive around. I love it. I was struck by a verse in the song...

'we are a generation
touched by Your salvation
and made by You and for Your glory
You've marked us here to alter history'

I've been in alot of conversations recently about politics (most of you who know me are thinking, 'when is she not?'), but I've been confronted alot about what I believe. Where I stand on things, what I want, where should our country be heading? Do I still support the President?

Its strikes me. I was raised in a open knowledge household. Books were everywhere. My parents taught me to ready long before most other children my age, and since then, I've been been without a book at hand (see the massive purses I carry around: my criteria for a bag I carry? Will it carry a hardback book, i.e. huge purse for Jamie). My father is an incredibly smart man, truly one of the smartest people I know. He and my Mother have always been very outspoken on politics. Our household was a center for political debates, with friends of my parents always discussing such topics. My father is very much a conservative Republican. My mother is Independent in many ways of thinking. So I've never been stifled in voicing how I feel for fear of political oppression in my house. I grew up debating and defending my beliefs in things and thankfully was allowed and encouraged to make my own opinions on views concerning such things. I've always had a love of politics and its one of my favorite pastimes. I'm actively involved in my party and enjoy debating knowledgeable people (ignorant people trying to debate me makes me sick, I know what I'm talking about, I'm always up to date on the political scene and dont enjoy someone who would rather through insults at my beliefs and party instead of offering sounds facts or opinions backed up with conviction or knowledge on the subject).

I'm a fan of the History Channel and History in general (see my book collection for proof). I am a complete nerd when it comes to it. I adore reading about the past and that love is extended in my area of study: Archeology. I grew up listening to my Dad, also a student of History, quote things like 'The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire', 'The History of the Peloponnesian War' and such documents as the Constitution and, my absolute favorite piece of history 'The Declaration of Independence'. He memorized these important documents by heart and often used them in his debates and I followed him in that aspect. Though I'm incredibly rusty now, I am in love with our Deceleration. I have a copy that hangs on the wall above my desk, its been there since middle school and I happily brought it with my when I moved away to college. Its moving, its powerful. Its the foundation of this country. The beginnings of our freedom. Its a piece of paper bought with a great and terrible price. That document required the sacrifice of so much, all in the belief freedom was a right given by Holy God to ALL of mankind. That the freedom from oppression and tyranny was absolutely the right of every human being on the planet. I recently got to go and see the Declaration in the National Archives. I remember my anticipation as I waited to see it. Then the absolute awe I had as I stood reading it. Its very faded now, but the words still held immense power. I remember reading and having the tears roll down my face, I remember the way that piece of paper humbled me as I stood before it. I remember the power it instilled in me. I remember the way my heart fluttered as I read each word. I remember the pride, the absolute pride I had in the fact that I was so privileged as to grow up in such a nation.

Its what brings me to the song. Charlie Hall leads this worship song and makes the Declaration that we are a generation marked for greatness. Marked to change history. I was reminded tonight as I ate my dinner and watched one of my absolute favorite new series. 'The Revolution' on The History Channel is a hour long program that follows the Revolution from first fire in Boston to the surrendering of the Brits.

I was reminded as I watched how awesome such a venture was. How bold. How terrifying. How much courage it took for those men to come together and write that piece of paper. To pen those words and to take on the burden of a new nation founded on principles of freedom and honor. My favorite part of the declaration is John Hancocks signature. By affixing his name to that piece of paper he was signing what could have been his death sentence had the revolution failed. Most of the men that signed that document lost everything, many died in the fight and all took on the responsibility of a brand new nation. John Hancock made the statement that he signed his name so large because he wanted the British to know exactly that he meant every word. That each word was true and that he stood behind that Declaration and the Cause with all his heart. He wanted no one to doubt his resolve and his allegiance.

Where has that gone today? Where is our allegiance? Where is our devotion to freedom and unity? Do we devote ourselves solely to our party guidelines and shut out the views of all others in the knowledge that only what we each believe is important? Are we shaken from the goal originally written in our first documents? Are we so concerned with the desire to see our particular party in the leading position that we've lost our perspective? Have we lost that pride? Have we forgotten the millions that have died for the cause of our freedom? Are we so crass as to believe that the thing that they bled and died for is allegiance to a man? Or do we remember the desire to be free. The fire that burned in our founding fathers for what they believed in. I make it clear that I am a patriot. I love this country. I love our free nation, I love our melting pot culture, I love our diversity and our freedom of press and knowledge. I love the opportunities we have here. I long to travel abroad and live elsewhere, but the love I have for my nation is forever. I think its time we get back to the basics. I think its time we do as the fathers wished and break down the walls of partisan politics and strive forth in the spirit of freedom as one. I think its time we remember those words that ignited the world...

'IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.'

I want to also point out that this doesn't say anything about being a theocracy. None of our founding documents do. Am I a Christian? Absolutely. Am I a Republican? Absolutely, I believe in my parties political platform and support most of its agenda, absolutely not all. I dont stand with ignorant bigots like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson. I dont believe the answer is to "Bring the US back to God where it was founded". Yes, most of our founders were Christians and God is appealed too, however, Theocracy, be definition is not attainable because of human nature. God gave us free will and this country was His blessing on us. Who on earth can have the crass to say that they absolutely speak for God, the Dude who created the universe? Really. Dont be stupid, dont be so haughty as to think that you have anymore authority on what He says than I do. Some are called to His service, but are mearly vessels that He fills, not recordings of His exact words, the Bible is our guideline from Him.

This nation was founded on principles of Freedom for all. Freedom to believe what you like, to live how you'd like. Recall what we were escaping in Briton the first time around? Religious oppression, economic oppression, leaders who were dictating to their people how and why they should live. To be so haughty as to say that an event like 9/11 is retribution from a LOVING GOD on the US because of our acceptance of such practices as abortion and homosexuality is pure, unadulterated stupidity. Such people dont speak for me as a Christian and certainly dont stand for me politically. Take a look at my friends and my point will be made. I'm a rebel at heart. I, as a Republican, believe that States governments should hold more power than federal governments because they know how to best serve their citizens than an all powerful central government. I believe that everytime we create a new tax or take another dollar from our citizens or create another law a little bit more of our freedom is taken from us. I believe in a strong, not all powerful, national defense is absolutely necessary. I also believe in the same things the founding fathers believed in relation to social welfare, in the revolution when an officer was killed and his widow left destitute a possible law was brought to the floor of the congress for federal aid, the founding fathers dismissed the law because they, as I do, believe that social welfare is the place of private agency, whether it be the church or private organizations. The government doesn't need or have the right to take care of the every need of its citizens. There are exceptions and certain situations must be protected by the government, such as the severely handicapped and absolute poor. Welfare has grown out if the original confines and is crippling a whole generation by making them believe that they dont have to work to eat. I believe, in contrast to many in my party, that such amendments as they ERA are a slap in the face to women. I am a citizen of this country, just as much as any man and any other race, I dont need a special amendment to tell me that or to guarantee my rights. I'm not a special subset, and as one of my favorite TV characters ever said on my favorite show ever 'The West Wing' on the ERA....

"It's humiliating! A new amendment stating that I'm equal under the law to a man? I'm mortified to discover that I wasn't before. I am a citizen of this country, not a special subset. I don't need my rights handed down to me by a bunch of old, white men. The same Article 14 that protects you, protects me and I went to law school just to make sure."

The idea that the government has the right to imply that I as a woman or a black man as a minority is somehow less than anyone else is absolutely humiliating and degrading. To think that ignorant tight asses like Falwell and Robertson claim to speak for me is humiliating and degrading. I think for myself, what I believe is my own, and everyone is free to think what they wish, however when they claim to speak for a group they lose their place in the social hierarchy, as my friends and I say all the time, on such things, 'They can shut that hole in their face and stop spewing shit for their version of America and get back to the original idea, freedom for EVERYONE'

I encourage opinions, I dont shut people down, I dont claim to speak for anyone but myself, and as we can see, I dont need anyone to do that for me, so speak what you will, believe what you will, but read those words in the declaration and remember where we came from, what we were escaping, and what we sought in creating this independent nation. Freedom and peace for all to live in prosperity and no fear oppression. No more, no less.

Pure Light

Its amazing to see what God does in our lives to get us to notice Him. For Elijah He came in flames and birds to feed him in the desert, for Paul He came through an angel and a talking donkey, those are some pretty extraordinary occurrences there. Christ came to those people in magnificent and awesome ways. For most of us He comes to us through a word, through His Word, through a friend with an extraordinary experience, through a message delivered in church or through one of His many witnesses. Of course the most awesome and magnificent way He came to us was when He was born of a virgin and came and died on a cross for us, no questions asked, no 'OK, I've done my deed, you've got to pay up'. No, for many of us (some people Christ calls them to lay down their physical lives through some way that would be an example--not saints or whatnot, through some kind of witnessing, Stephen was stoned in the Bible for being a witness, that was Christs purpose, that he, Stephen would lay down his life to show and spread the gospel of Christ), for most of us Christ asks that we 'lay down our lives to Him' through the act of dying to the world, and the birth into the Spirit.

Its an act that so many of us have a hard time with, we get the being born again through Christ thing, we get saved, ya, we believe, check, we go to church, check check, we tithe, check check check, we get that part. But we don't complete the transfer. We say 'OK. I've gotten saved, I have faith, I go to church, now I've got that eternal assurance and yes I love God but I'm going to do my thing, I've got the believing part, that's all Hes asking for'. Eh, no, wrong. Christ physically died to the world. Physically, He hung on a cross, bled actual blood, ALOT of it, and He died when He gave up His spirit to God, He said 'Father, to Thee I commend my spirit' and He died. Doubt it? The Bible tells us the Romans did too, what the custom was (kick in the Anthropology major stuff) the custom was to go through and break the knees of those hanging on the crosses. The actual being crucified, that was just the torture part, you bled profusely, but what you actually died from was suffocation. They nailed your hands and feet down to the wood, underneath the feet that are nailed down is a little platform, so what your doing is hanging by your wrists and the weight of your body is pulling down on your chest. So to breathe what you have to do is to push up on that little platform, your feet are either nailed to it, or just above it and your pushing with your toes, and your pushing yourself up so you can actually breathe. Therein lies the torture. Your in excruciating pain trying to push yourself up to breathe. So what the Romans did was when they'd had enough fun watching you in that excruciating pain, was they went through with a huge mallet and broke your knees, which means you cant push up anymore and you actually died because you couldn't inflate your lungs to breathe. Sounds painful right? That was the point. So what Christ did was He took on the added burden of ALL of the sin of ALL of the world for ALL time, past and present, it was a weight that pressed down on Him, and He actually died from that weight, not from the broken knees and no pushing up, He actually died because of the weight of His physical body added with the weight of the sins of ALL mankind for eternity and before. The Romans went around to break the legs of the other two thieves hanging with Him and when they came to Christ He was already dead. So what did they do then? They took a spear and pierced His heart, when water flowed and not blood (because none was pumping) they knew that Christ was dead, and there was no need to break His knees. He had already commended His spirit to the Hands of the Father. He ACTUALLY died by the burden of sin for you and I.

What the Scripture calls for is that we, the body of Christ on Earth, die to the world. That means giving up everything that is fleshly. Becoming a complete new creature. Not of the world, but in it, you cant be out of the world, but you can be not of it. You are called to be light. To be a light to the world, your called to be the manifestation of Christ on Earth. To be set aside and different. People are supposed to see Christ in you. That old phrase your mom used to toss out at you when you were doing something wrong 'Your the only Jesus someones going to see' that's absolutely true. Shes not just giving your a guilt trip, shes stating what the Holy Word of God says, that you are supposed to be a light unhidden. Not under a basket, being like, 'Oh I've got the light of Christ in me and I'm a Christian, I'm going to the club now' No, God is saying your to be a Light for HIM. Your to show the world the Love and Beauty and SALVATION that is Christ. Does that mean you cant have any fun? No way, its meaning that you must simply show Holiness in everything you do. Show Gods work through your hands.

As I said before. God comes to people in some pretty surprising ways. I say this because I've been dealt a blow today. One that shot straight to my spirit and its been rocking me all day. Its 8:04pm right now and I've been crying about it for awhile before. So to cheer myself up I came to the feet of Jesus, I'm trusting Him to fix this because I know, I KNOW I cant fix this alone. I've done my part, I've put this thing out there and am just waiting now for the bite. I'm doing what I've needed to do for some time, I'm coming straight to the source, and that's Christ. I've been home all weekend so I've missed spending my quiet time with God and Louie Giglio, since its what I've been doing through recorded messages and his books, I feel a real connection to his ministry and what hes saying, so I've been really excited to be hearing what hes got to say. So I came back, I have high speed Internet here at the apartment (lightning fried out computer at home...again) so now that I've got a hookup I cried out to God in prayer and then visited the 268 Generation site and choose one of Louie's messages. I choose 'Pure Light' which is the next in the 'Tattoo' series my last post highlighted. Basically Louie talks about what I talked about above. Being a light to a generation in darkness, showing that we are pure light in Christ, the light which should shine into the world to show the way to Him. I was floored. One of the things that Louie talks about is how we look for happiness in things other than God. We say, oh, this guy will make me happy, or this girl will make me happy, or that new car, its going to change my life. No, those things are great, they're gifts from God, what we need to focus on, what our eternal happiness should be, is Christ, and Christ alone.

Its hard. What happened today is probably me just freaking out for nothing. Its me hearing something or thinking to much on something that is insignificant and making it into something that's bigger than it should be. All the same. I'm devastated at what it could mean. I've spent my entire summer praying out something (and please continue to pray for me about this, its truly something important in my life) and today I just got this blow, this feeling that Its not going to turn out the way that I want it. God is a God of blessings and happiness and I've resigned myself (after many sleepless nights and many times of crying out to God broken about this) to the fact that If this is not something that God wants in my life then that's OK, I choose to let God guide my path and if its not in the cards then so be it, It wasn't meant to be so anyway. Its SO hard. Its something that I so badly don't want to let go of. Its something that I've given to God to say, 'Take this, If I keep it then it wont be what you want it to be, and all I want is what You want', its something that I've consciously kept in my prayers and spirit as something that I desire God to be inundated in. This thing, I want Gods name ALL over it. And I'm to the point now where If it doesn't happen I'm going to be broken about it.

So whats getting me through? Whats getting me to sit up and write this instead of crying myself to sleep? Its the hope I have in what God wants. I've walked in darkness for years before, stumbling and falling, bleeding and bruised, but now, I desire to walk with God in the light. I so desire to be a faithful and true servant to His name. I've had all the bad a girl can get, trust me, I've lived enough pain for many a lifetimes, now I'm at the point where I can truthfully and honestly say that I want what God desires in my life. I don't know how I ever managed to be "happy" when I walked in darkness before. I now, more than ever before have the joy of the Lord to keep a smile on my face but Its this thing that's bringing me down. When I clicked on the message from Louie, I was just desiring comfort, someone to nurse my wounds and say, 'Its OK Jamie, its all going to work out'. What I got was a good solid bell in my ear. A real shot to the heart. I've been letting this thing take over. Its something that I so desire, but I've been letting this thing just become a huge thing, I've kept it in my parameters, in Gods realm, but I've been letting this thing get in the way of my prayers and worship. I've been letting this thing become a monster that's attacking me and making me cry. What God spoke to me through Louie was a powerful word. That sometimes God uses things we don't like to knock us back into reality, His reality, the only real reality. Gods grabbed me by my ponytail and spun me around to face Him and say to me 'I am sufficient, what I desire for you is sufficient, I'm going to take care of you and your happiness, just trust me'. Its blown me away. Its something that just dropped into my spirit, God is telling me to just rest in Him, to trust that He will take care of me. I'm going to do it.

So recognize that. God uses all kinds of things in our lives to get us to pay attention to Him. Some of them are joyous and awesome. Some of them are sad and cause brokenness and hurt and pain. Whatever the problem though, Gods saying this, 'Just trust me'. So I challenge you to do it, to say, 'Yes God, I'm going to rest in you and let this be as You will it, because Your will is ALL I'll EVER need.' Its my prayer tonight. So rest in comfort dear friends, Gods in control and who better than the guy who breathed the universe into existence to be in control?

You must be Holy, because I am Holy

I've recently been spending my quiet time with my Bible and Louie Giglio. For those of you who don't know who this is, this is a great man of God. He's the founder of Passion conferences, a movement that desires to see the campuses of the world set on fire for Christ. He's an incredibly gifted and powerful speaker, I believe God is doing GREAT things through him, so I've decided to spend my personal study time in the Word with his online messages. Believe me, they are some LIFE ALTERING messages, I sit and soak in the words God is speaking through Louie and I just cry my eyes out because EVERY word is something that God has for me.

The message I watched tonight was part of a series Louie did called 'Tattoo'. Its a series about the markings of Christ on the life a Christian. He is absolutely right. The debate is a hot one, tattoos yes or no, and he doesn't give an answer either way, he, like I believes its a personal decision that needs to involve prayer and understanding and logic. Its not something that should be done to draw attention to yourself, if its gotten, it should be a personal thing, or, as he gives and example, just another way to Glorify God, as all of your decisions and actions should do anyway.

One thing that Louie pointed out was a verse in Leviticus 19:2

"Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: 'Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.'

Read those words again..."Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: 'Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.' Don't be holy for anything other than me. Don't try to be a god on earth, don't try to raise yourself up, no, you must be holy, because I, the LORD YOUR GOD am holy. Sets you in your place doesn't it? Think about this. This was Moses saying to the children of Israel, who were escaping Egypt, calling them to understand that they were free, that they were safe and taken care of because GOD desired it so. Is that not the same for you and I today? We are safe, we are alive, we are free BECAUSE GOD DESIRES IT SO. Not because you desire it, but because the Creator of the universe, the God of All, the Lord of EVERYTHING desires it so. Think, if God desired you to be trapped and confined and sick and dead, YOU WOULD BE SO. We're talking about the Guy who BREATHED THE UNIVERSE INTO EXISTENCE! The Guy who created something out of nothing, the Guy who created a living breathing man out of DIRT! If He desired you dead, you have NO CHANCE. And at the time the Israelites were forgetting the very God who had brought them out of captivitiy.

So what is God saying here? What is it to 'Be holy'? Well, look at it this way: is being drunk holy? Is promiscuity holy? Are drugs holy? Didn't think so. What God is saying is that you, when you accepted Him, when you said Yes to the Cross and realized that God was the Center of your universe, not you, but God, you were saying that He, not you, is the One to be like. Christ was blameless, a pure lamb sacrificed for a sick, demented, twisted generation of men. Every little thing you've ever done, every single sin everyone in the world has committed He took into Himself when He hung on that tree, when He suffered and died, everything He did WAS FOR YOU. You were bought with a price. Louie puts it best, Paul was writing a letter to the Galatians chastising them for being of both worlds, of Jew and Christian. For trying to bring everything together into what Louie calls, 'The happy hug'. They were blurring the lines between the Grace and Mercy of the Cross and the old Mosaic code given to the Jews in their wanderings. He said to them..

Galatians 6:11-17
'11See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand!

12Those who want to make a good impression outwardly are trying to compel you to be circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the cross of Christ. 13Not even those who are circumcised obey the law, yet they want you to be circumcised that they may boast about your flesh. 14May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. 15Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is a new creation. 16Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule, even to the Israel of God.

17Finally, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.'

What Paul is saying is that he himself bore marks on his body that illustrated his sufferings for Christ, Paul had been beaten, whipped with the Cat-of-nine-tails, stoned, all in the battle and for the cause of Christ, he physically bore the marks on his body of his sufferings in the name of Jesus. He was saying to these people, you must be a new creation. What you do on the outside means nothing. What matters is that your heart belongs solely and completely to God. What you do on the outside, yea, its great, tattoo, awesome, but what you require, what God desires, is that you are a completely new creation in Him. That EVERYTHING you do you do for His Glory and His Glory alone.

Powerful isn't it? Think about that for a second. God is the Creator of the universe, He created you and I for His Glory and His Honor alone. What does that mean? It means GET OVER YOURSELF, because if not, your going to have one crapload of problems. You are a blip in the history of time, your life is like a grain of sand on the side of Mount Everest. You are nothing, God is Everything. And yet, God bought you with HIS BLOOD. He came down from the Glory of Heaven, and lived 33 years on this Earth, in this stinking rotting flesh, He suffered the most painful of painful and humiliating and extreme deaths that has ever been imagined by this twisted and depraved human mind. Here's the thing, to quote my friend Nathan, 'check this out', that thing, that dying and coming from paradise to live, that, HE DID THAT FOR YOU. You. That blip in time, that ant fathoming a mountain. He did that for you. Before He created the world there was nothing and He knew your name and loved you so much that He came and died, He bought you with a great and terrible price BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH. That being bought thing implies ownership. When you say Yes to Christ and that Grace and Mercy that is the Cross, you are taking ownership, you are saying Yes Lord, I AM YOURS, you are giving yourself to Christ FULLY AND WHOLLY. You are denying the decay and corruption that this world is and devoting yourself to Christ. Your being marked by Him. Like Paul, who carried those marks physically on his body, you are being branded with the Cross for all to see.

Let me challenge you with this, as Louie challenged me. Are you doing that? Are you giving up yourself fully and wholly to Christ, denying the world and this rotting flesh and saying, 'Yes Lord, to You I give myself'? Are you marked, are you tattooed for Christ? Are you willing to suffer at the hands of the world, to suffer that persecution for the Cross? Let me tell you, its a challenge. The worlds an inviting place to be, but what you have to ask yourself is, what is this instant gratification doing? Will it last? I'm here to tell you, No, absolutely it will not. You may be young and beautiful and think your immortal and infallible now, but one day your going to get old, your skins going to sag and wrinkle and your beauty will wither and die just like your body. You are 1 in 6 billion people on the planet right now, your one miniscule life in the great timeline of this world. You will die and your life is like a puff of smoke in the wind. You're not guarunteed one second beyond this moment. God is forever. He is All Powerful, All Knowing, Always. He is the beginning and the End, the Alpha and Omega. He is and always will be. You, you are expendable and small and God is Vast beyond belief. And yet, before the world, before the stars and heavens, before anything was, He held you in His infinite hands and whispered in your ear 'I Love you with all of my heart, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, unique in every way, a glorious unique creation by the Creator of the stars and galaxies, and you, my love, are more beautiful to me than anything else in existence. I love you so much that I'm going to send my One and Only Son Jesus Christ to die on a Cross, just for you.' Your loved THAT MUCH. So I challenge you. Let Christ be your tattoo. Make it your lifes goal to say what Paul said, to say 'Take off my robes, see the markings of Christ on my flesh' Let the world see Who you stand for. Who you love. Because believe me. There is no greater love than that of your Savior for you. Man will fail you every time, man will beat you to the ground and kick salt into your wounds, but Christ, Christ will ALWAYS be there to pick you up in His infinite arms and carry you until your ready to walk again. Take that ownership. Accept that mark, trust me, It will be the most important thing you'll ever do, the rewards will be unfathomable.

I hear the Savior say,
Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leopards spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Oh Praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!

Lost in Translation

Most of the artists I know have done an exercise that our profession often calls for, its what is known as an ‘Artists Statement’. Its kind of an explanation of what motivates our talent, in whatever field that may be, its an explanation of our process and our passion as well as a way to get across a point, some central idea that most or all of the art that we create revolves around.

A lot of employers often seek this particular statement when viewing a portfolio, its like a back up, if they enjoy the art we’ve given them in our portfolio they can look and catch a glimpse at our soul without ever seeing out face, in the instance that the work in a particular portfolio is not what they’ve expected or not what they’re looking for they can read this statement to see if a particular artist is capable of the work they need or they can see what not to look for in other submissions.

Its really a difficult thing to do, a professor that taught a class I took in my foundations years at art school required at the end of the semester for us to submit not only a portfolio of work, but an artists statement as well. It, like so many of my weaker work was lost in a computer break down about six months ago. I don’t even remember what I wrote in it. It must have been good because she pulled me into her office and we talked for hours on our shared artistic visions and inspirations. The reason I say it was weak is because what inspired me three years ago most certainly does not inspire me now. Over all my passion has grown and my abilities as well, but whereas before I took inspiration in certain people and times, I now draw from a much broader river of ideas. I was concentrated before on the overall, while I now like to focus in on the details. And as my abilities and talents have grown and progressed my styles and angles have followed suit.

I say this all because I just finished a magnificent article in my newest installment of my ever-favorite magazine ‘Vanity Fair’ on my all time favorite director, Sofia Coppola. In said article she and the people that are most closely surrounding her life talked about what its like to be her, to be near her and to be part of her movies or projects. For those of you who don’t know her or recognize the name, she is the director of the Golden Globe winning ‘Lost in Translation’ which stars the beautiful Scarlet Johannsen and ever-funny Bill Murray.
I was first introduced to Sofia’s work when my best friend and I rented a movie that was an adaptation of one of our shared favorites books ‘The Virgin Suicides’. It’s a movie about five sisters who all commit suicide because they feel so trapped and sheltered by their parents that they don’t believe they can properly function in the world outside. It’s a really depressing book, but an excellent foray into the minds of adolescent girls (which Amanda and I certainly were both at the time). We certainly didn’t expect what we saw; the thing that drew us to the book was the dark aspect as well as the writing style (we were both in the process of writing out first novels at the time). The movie offered us a completely different point of view. We found ourselves identifying with the girls and the aspects of their lives that made it so hard to fit in, and the aspects of their persons that made it so hard to be anonymous at the same time. What struck me then, and remains with me now, is the images, the article explains this as well, the way Sofia brought a lot of over exposed images and themes into the movie, mixed them with gorgeous underground alt-rock music and fashion. All created a kind of surreal atmosphere to the movie, a thing we thought only the book could accomplish. The girls were naïve and flighty and serious all at the same time, they were old souls in young bodies and at the same time not wise of the world. It’s a powerful movie, just like ‘Lost in Translation’, which I also identified with. I remember watching the movie with my parents and how they hated the style it was shot in and the music was too alternative for them, but, when they finally sat through it, the first thing out of my mothers mouth was, ‘Jamie, That girl is exactly who I think your going to be like when you grow up.’ I remember being stuck by that in the sense that the character she’s talking about (Scarlet Johansson’s character Charlotte) was a very flighty and lost girl. Someone who was recently married and questioning her decisions and recently graduated with a degree in philosophy and had absolutely no idea what she was going to do next. All she knew was that she was with her husband in Tokyo and had all day while he was shooting photographs for bands to just explore and think. She ends up having this chaste relationship with an older man, Bill Murray, and in the end just kisses him and leaves it at that. It’s very gorgeous in making and style.

The articles writer talked extensively with Sofia about herself. How she’s viewed as this Hollywood Royalty girl that rides the coattails of her father (Francis Ford Coppola of The Godfather and Apocalypse Now fame) and how she’s using her name and famous friends to just make movies that she likes with not thought to the amount of money and time she takes. It’s really an eye opener, I love her, truly. She’s the girl I want to be when I’m 35. Very cool, fashionable, talented and well mannered as well as schooled in the old ways but more intimately versed in the new ways. It got me thinking about who I am and why I do what I do. In the article Sofia talks a lot about what drives her, what her inspirations are and how she’s gotten to where she is, through all of the controversy and criticism.

I really identify with her on a lot of things. Most closely, I identify with her on how she is often misrepresented. How people often judge her too quickly on some of the things on the outside and never care to look deeper into who she is on the inside. I really know what she’s speaking of. Its often the case with me, I’m critiqued on things of little consequence and never fully examined to see the deeper ideas and passions that I have. Recent events have caused me to have to break myself down and rebuild afresh and anew and more and more often I’m being asked to give an explanation for myself. As the people who used to know me best now see a completely different person. So I will explain, to the best of my ability what it is that I am and what I do.

My first and most principle feature is my Christianity. It’s the biggest part of me, the most important and the aspect of me that I hope most can see. It’s a very real and deep part of who I am and it’s the ultimate factor in who I want to become. My faith is the guiding force in my decisions and it’s the principle part of me that requires the most work and time but also the most joy and peace.

My creativity, my art and writing are probably the second biggest part of who I am. I’ve always been creative; I’ve always had too much imagination. It’s my central way of dealing with the world around me, how I feel, what I see, etc. It’s the visual expression of my soul, in other words. My photography is a window into how I see the world, the angles and styles and details that I most often concentrate on. I’m never one to look at the entire picture unless the situation truly calls for it, I am much better and much more adept at focusing in on the smallest aspects of things. Whether it be the world around me, trees and flowers and clouds, or the people around me. My portraits often focus in on the little things that make everyone unique in my eyes. Rather then a smiling plastic face that one poses for, I often like capturing my subjects in the heat of their environment. Example, last night I went home to be with my friends from my home church, we have this program called ‘Friday Nite Lite’ in which we enlist local talent to come and play some soft jazz or acoustic at the coffeehouse our church owns downtown. Last night featured three of my friends, Nathan Lean on the piano, Didriech Lewis on the drums, and Lee Stowe on bass. They spent the evening jamming some great jazz and blues and basically just enjoying being together and doing what they all love the most, playing music. I, as always, was there with my camera; I spent the evening capturing them as they played. The thing that I love most about shooting them (I’ve shot most of them before in various places) is the passion. After that first awkward song, they fell into a groove together, and we, the audience was completely vanished to them. They were just three extraordinarily talented guys up there doing exactly what they wanted to be doing and enjoying their own company. I was there, photographing the whole time. My favorite shots are of the three of them as they fed off of each other, Lee would bust out a smooth bass line and Nathan would just play off the cuff on the piano with a gorgeous little line and Didriech would follow up with a rhythm that would bring the whole thing together. My shots show this aspect, they’re all three in their element, they’re looking at each other, or eyes closed and just lost in the music. This, I feel, it’s the most beautiful part of all of them, it’s the thing they all love the most, music, and by photographing them in this element, I’ve captured who they truly are, extremely talented, handsome, wonderful men. This is what I like to capture with my writing and art, the truest aspect of a person or thing, the part of them that is truly who they are, this, I think sets me apart form others in my genre, I don’t like idealized portraits, they’re fun to do in their own right, but when it comes to the photographs that really count, its that moment where whatever the subject is, is complete and true. My art is all over the map and I don’t work exclusively in this vein, but I feel that this is what I’m best at, capturing a moment where the image speaks volumes about the subject, rather than makes them pretty or sexy.

My style. A subject that seems too mediocre to me has become a great issue now that I’m becoming more and more involved in things around me. I think I’m best described as an old friend put it, ‘Old World’. Most of what I wear is nonconventianal. Not all, but most. Most often the complaints against me are that I wear too much jewelry or my makeup and my hair are too heavy. My hair is long because my face is round in nature and short hair makes me look like a balloon. My makeup is most often consists of smoky eyeliner, darker eye shadows and mascara with bits of blush thrown in. Not heavy in my book, I don’t desire to look fake, I often where little or no foundation or cover-up and don’t line my eyes straight and glassy. I choose to accentuate my eyes because they are the best feature on my face and I choose dark colors because I feel like the smoky effect (as opposed to the clean lines and shimmery colors most often used). I like the semi-mysteriousness that it seems to add to me, but more often than not, I just like it so I do it. As for jewelry and too much or too little, I think its more of a sense of what I wear, I don’t like little earrings or inscribed bracelets or normal watches, I’m an ethnic leaning girl. My earrings are unique and pretty, often rather large, I wear a set of Indian bracelets that my little brother got me several years ago, I wear a ring Jeremy got for me a couple of years ago that he said reminded him of me, its very Byzantium looking and its always on my right hand. Other than that, its often what I see and like that is mostly not conventional, I see what I like, what I admire and appreciate and buy it, most of what I have is handmade by friends or found in little online shops overseas, its unique, like me and I get what I enjoy. My clothing is more eccentric than most, while I see the virtue in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, I enjoy dressing up and finding pieces that are more old world cut and different. I love high couture. Its new designs that draw off of centuries past and other countries staples are so appealing, so more often then not I’m not wearing a button up shirt of a polo, its just not me and I’m ok with that. I don’t subscribe to the less is more policy, I want someone to look at me and not desire me for my body, I would rather them desire to spend time with me talking and laughing and loving the inner me, not staring at my boobs or my butt. I think elegance and femininity are the truest forms of beauty, a woman who is dressed in a beautiful floor length black dress with a simple back cut out is much more beautiful than a chick in a mini skirt, heels, and barely there top. I desire a man who finds me beautiful and attractive because of who I am, not because of what I look like. I’m not decadent and don’t want to be seen as so, merely I consider myself to be one of fashionable consideration and wish to be well dressed to show my personal care of myself.

My political views and missions are a huge part of me as well. I’m a conservative Republican by choice and love my parties stand point on most issues, however, I’m not a fanatic or total party loyalist, a lot of the views I have are considered liberal for my party and therefore I am not one to be totally encircled by my political party. My views on World Hunger and Poverty are very strong and I am choosing to devote my life and talents as a photographer to them. I’m strong wiled in my arguments and debates and not easily conceding. I’ll argue to the death or tears and am not to be confused with an ignorant I’m-a-republican-because-my-daddy-was group. I know and take pride in knowing what I talk about and pride myself in looking at all angles, not just the conservative side of issues, I don’t want to be ignorantly against something, I want to be knowledgably opposed, but open to others views. I hate people that shut down others for what they believe and find such things as that to be what brings about the problems we’re experiencing today in world affairs to be because of those reasons.

Archeology and the quest for knowledge make up a large factor of my personality as well. I’m currently studying to be a Classical Archeologist, which means I am emphasizing my talents in Egyptian, Middle Eastern and Greek and Roman histories and practices, my dream is to live and work in Jerusalem and to live and die in the areas around African and the Mediterranean.
My tastes factor in somewhere, I’m usually the girl who listens to the bands and watches the movies no one knows about because I enjoy freshness rather than the sold out sounds of the latest pop tart or rapper. I enjoy a lot of alternative rock, techno and world music. I like more overseas music than homeland stuff and don’t like country, pop or rap. I’m interested in the Brit rock and electronic scene, the Paris post-pop at-rock a la Phoenix scene and the African and Middle Eastern music scenes. I’m a ‘Classical’ genre junkie and adore likes of Yo-yo ma, Andrea Bocecelli, Hayley Westenra and Sarah Brightman. I’m also a huge fan of the early US Blues and Jazz scenes. Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Julie London, Louis Armstrong, Miles Davis and Bob Dylan are definite staples in my musical library. My movie choices lean toward independent titles and most often the horror genre. I’m an Alfred Hitchcock girl; Sofia Coppola, Wes Anderson, Zach Braff, and Danny Boyle are all ones that I definitely don’t miss out on. I love the old French and Italian movies and am a fan of anything horror related. As for books, any and everything with the expectation of chick lit. My absolute favorites are Alex Garland (the best writer of all time) and Nick Hornby. I also enjoy Michael Crichton, Arthur Golden and a few others, the classics are all on my top shelf and I love modernist work.

I realize this is a very long post, and it is defiantly not what I was planning on posting about, I’ve got another in the works and I know that one will be shorter and much less self involved. However, I felt that this post was needed in order to explain to several people who have been overly critical as of late and do sincerely hope that it doesn’t sound self-centered. My point was to explain myself and who I am so that others around me will more fully understand me. I identified so closely with Sofia, not on her rich upbringing, but on her wisdom and self-attitude. Like me she’s shy, intelligent and overly critical of herself, but confident in her abilities and strengths and not afraid to stand up for what she believes. I hope that point was made across here.

Until next post,
Au Revior

Describe it like Hemingway.

Seth: What's that like? What's it taste like? Describe it like Hemingway.
Maggie Rice: Well, it tastes like a pear. You don't know what a pear tastes like?
Seth: I don't know what a pear tastes like to you.
Maggie Rice: Sweet, juicy, soft on your tongue, grainy like a sugary sand that dissolves in your mouth. How's that?
Seth: It's perfect.

City of Angels. I swear, it gets me everytime, It was the first DVD my mother ever got for me, several years and quite a few DVDs ago. I cry when I watch it, I cry because I know what it is to love someone. I know what its like to lose someone. I cry because my heart aches to have someone love me like Seth loved Maggie. Mostly I cry because its so human. The entire movie is about what its like to be human.

I just read Jamie Orrs blog about suffering, and how, as Christians, we should no only suffer, but look forward to our suffering. We should recognize that through suffering comes growth and through growth do we come closer and closer to the feet of Christ. I agree wholeheartedly.

But what of being human? The quote above is from a part of the movie where Seth, the angel asks Maggie, the human doctor what a pear tastes like. Several other times the idea is brought up, the angels read the thoughts of humans at the library in such a way that they read things like Hemingways poems, that's why he asks her to describe it like Hemingway. So describe to me what its like to be human...

Its happy and sad. Warm, like being in a hug with someone you love. Its tingly, its anxious, its exhilarating, like the first time you hold hands with someone you are falling for. It hurts, it rips and tears and burns, like your first heartache. Its joyous and awe inspiring like the first time you hold your first child, flesh of your flesh. Its quiet when you dream, and loud when you laugh.

What are those things that we love the most about our kind? The beauty of love is the same beauty as tears that fall in the name of passion. Pain and anger lead to action eventual healing. Love creates life and destroys it. To feel is to suffer, to suffer is to live and to know that your living because you suffer. Storms will come and go, eventually the waters calm and the sunrises and you feel the warmth on your face. The greatest feeling is love and the worst is loss. We are all the more beautiful for it, beautiful in tears and joy, beautiful in our pain and our joy.

What do you think it is to be human? Describe it like Hemingway.

Significant Insignificance.

When will we learn? When we crash to the floor, when our lives come sinking down around us, when we look down at our feet and see the broken pieces of what we held so dear? When will we see that life is a sweet and beautiful adventure, a singular experience that only we, humanity get to enjoy? God didn't give the angels life, suffering, happiness, peace, joy or tears. He gave us this gift. Until we learn that is in fact what this beauty is, we wont be able to stop and see the things around us for what they are, gift from On High. Gifts of love bestowed by a Savior who loves you so much He died for you, and for me. Its a Heavenly bunch of roses delivered straight to your door from a God who wants nothing more than the singular love of her heart. How much more do we want to see?

Its hard to see sometimes. Louie Giglio preached a sermon titled Significant Insignificance, in which he spoke of the smallness of us and the vastness of God. I'm currently reading his book 'I am not, but I know I AM' in my quiet time. In this Louie speaks about recognizing your insignificance in the world, embracing it and turning around and recognizing that God, in His glorious infiniteness knows YOUR name and loves YOU more than anything else in His creation. Think about it. You are one person in a world that contains 6,637,596,918 as of August 2 at 4:30pm. One in 6,637,596,918. Feel small yet? You should. Your life, is a blip on the eternal timeline. Billions came before you, billions will come after you. You are ONE of 6,637,596,918. To use an expression of Matts, Its like an Ant trying to fathom Mount Rushmore. A grain of sand in the vastness of Mount Everest. A single snowflake on the continent of Antarctica. Small. Very VERY small. And yet, there was this guy named Jesus who came, who said, before the world was, I AM, who said, before you were born I held you in my hands and loved you. This guy, He came down from the paradise of Heaven and died for the sole purpose that YOU would know just HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU. Women of the world, would you give your child up to be slain for another? I'm no mother yet, but I cannot even imagine giving up one of my baby brothers for ANYONE. Jeremy is 19 and Jordan is 13, I've been at their sides for the entirety of their lives, seen them fall on their face and watched them at the heights of their triumphs. I've seen two beautiful baby boys grow into handsome, strong, intelligent and Christ following men. I wouldn't give them up for the world, sure I want to smack them around every once in a while, but at the end of the day, I couldn't be more proud of them, both of them. To think that one day they will die makes me sick to my stomach. To imagine giving one of them to be killed for someone I don't know, I cant even imagine. God gave up His ONE and ONLY Son for you and I. For every one of the 6,637,596,918+ people on the planet. Past, present and future.

Is it hard to accept? Sure. Think about the implications. You and I are only 2 of the 6,637,596,918 that reside on the planet right now. I don't know about you, but I want my life to be bigger than that. I want to show the world the power that I have, the abilities that I have, the gifts that I have. I, like everyone else on the planet want my life to matter. To change things. I don't know about you, but I was born a rebel. I learned to walk before most kids got the hang of crawling, I learned to read shortly after I learned to talk, it was weird enough that my mom thought something was wrong with me. (She was right, but that's another post :-P) I began my life as a world shaker. I presently am part of several groups that are looking to transform the world. I'm active politically, I'm active in conservation efforts, I'm most active currently in the areas of Human rights, especially pertaining to Africa. The way I see it, I was blessed to come into the world healthy and into a gorgeous and financially well off family. Now its time for me to give back. Not everyone was as privileged as me. I went to private school, my schooling alone could have built 25 church's and 15 homes in Uganda, and I was only there for 4 years. God blessed me with so much, and His commission has called of me all that I have. When I get out of school you best believe this little girl and her camera are going to the most remote and dangerous parts of the world. Why? Because in the end, Its not for us, Its all for HIM. I have been called in my life to change things, to give a face to those who have no face, to be the voice where there is only silence. God has gifted me with an ability to write things that move peoples hearts, and to capture things with my camera that stir hearts and change perspectives. I recognize, as hard as it is that my life, in the grand scheme of the universe, matters very VERY little. God though, He BREATHED the universe into existence, the universe by its very nature is expanding in all directions zillions of miles per second, forever. Miles, yards, meters, these don't even cover pieces of the sky, astronomers have to use light years, that's who fast light travels in 365 Earth days, and even that doesn't even come close to measuring anything. All of this constant and neverending expansion and God BREATHED IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH! How HUGE does He have to be to look out and blow and that is the universe?! You and I are a speck in creation. Yet God has entrusted us with this Planet. A fragile balance that if thrown off, only by a speck would completely self destruct. And those 6,637,596,918+ people on the planet? They're our responsibility. God has given us what's called 'The Great commission' in which He calls us to go forth and spread His word. To love thy neighbor as you love yourself. To speak for those without a voice, to show that person who has no hope left that there is something so brilliant as God who in His infinite power came and said, 'To you, my child I give ALL My love.' And the only thing He asks in return for all of this? That we simply love Him. Look around you, look at all you have. Look at the trees, the birds, the sky, the sun, all were put into place so that you would use them. They are a gift from an omniscient, Omnipotent God who loves you above all that He has created.

What does that come down to? That you may be 1 of 6,637,596,918; but to the Guy who created EVERYTHING you are a face, a name, the most precious of treasures. Highly prized. Loved for all that you are, an not what you are not.....

The cross before me the world behind
No turning back, raise the banner high
It’s not for me, it’s all for You

Let the heavens shake and split the sky
Let the people clap their hands and cry
It’s not for us, it’s all for You

Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory
Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory

Our hearts unfold before Your throne
The only place for those who know
It’s not for us, It’s all for You

Send Your holy fire on this offering
Let our worship burn for the world to see
It’s not for us, it’s all for You

The earth is shaking, the mountains shouting
It’s all for You
The waves are crashing, the sun is raging
It’s all for You
The universe spinning and singing
It’s all for You
The children dancing, dancing, dancing
It’s all for You, it’s all for You

My all for You
Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory
My all for You
Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory
My all for You
Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory

The Last Kiss.

The Last Kiss - Starring Zach Braff, Rachel Bilson, Blythe Danner and Casey Affleck.

Sit and think about it. Really think. Who do you want to be the LAST kiss you'll ever have? The last person you'll ever truly share a kiss with? Spouses everywhere are just hoping your saying that the woman or the man you marry is the one you want to be the last person you'll ever kiss, the last person you'll ever sleep with, the person you desire to spend the rest of your life with.

That's the basic on this new movie by Zach Braff, the genius who brought us Garden State, definitly one of the best movies I've ever seen, one of the best ever made. One of the qualities present in movies he writes, directs or even simply stars in, is that it is absolutely counted upon that the characters are deep, that the problems are normal problems, and that, when the last frame rolls through, you will be thinking, that you'll walk out of the movie changed somehow. Its a beautiful experience, those who have seen Garden State remember the sense you came away with, that this man had finally found what he was looking for, that even though everything sucked, everything was confusing, he came out with one things for sure in the end, that life is full of unpredictable things and all you can do is be sure of just one and the rest will fall into place.

That's the plot here, The Last Kiss deals with growing up. With making that decision to walk headfirst into marriage and adulthood and all the trappings that come with it, buying a house, marrying that one girl and getting the career to live happily ever after. Enter that surging fear that your making the wrong decision. A quote from the movie reads 'Lately I've been feeling like everything in my life is planned out, there are no more surprises.' Its always been my fear, since things in my life came crashing down not to long ago I realized that I had planned everything out, my kids, my husband, my life, that I --Jamie, the girl no one can predict, the girl who goes swimming at midnight because she couldn't sleep and was cold in her apartment-- had planned myself out to be a housewife. A housewife! I cant even imagine it now, I would go insane. I'm a free spirit, I want to travel, I want to learn and listen. I want to find the one whose absolutely the one for me and settle down and be with them, yes, but I know that the fire that I have, the one that makes me so different from most of the girls my age who are just looking to get married and have kids, I know that fire is a part of me. That I'll never be able to sit at home and wait on my husband hand and foot. My friends often tell me, to my great dismay and their great laughter, that I'm the girl the husbands will want to have the affair with, that I'm the risky sassy girl that a husband will seek out after his wife becomes less enticing and more of a commodity. Which makes me think that no one will want to marry me, of course I wont be the girl that allows a man to cheat on his wife with, but I wonder if its that I'm TOO spirited, which I know now is a gift from God and that when the right guy comes along he'll know how to deal with it, that I, not him will be the one that becomes ready to settle down.

'Life moves way too fast nowadays, we start freaking out a lot sooner than our parents did.' Isn't that true as well? Life is so quick, we're so sure nowadays that what we want that what we get is exactly what we desired. What if its not? What if we get to a certain point and turn around and see that what we thought we wanted wasn't right for us? We're so quick to act, and so often we don't stop to look at the things around us. No wonder we have such a divorce rate, such broken homes, we think, hey, this guy, hes going to complete me, that once we're together and married everything will just fall into place. No matter than you needed to know yourself before you added another person onto you. Why do you think so many of those realationships in high school fail in college? Your not the same person now as you were when you were 16, would you trust your 16 year old decisions now? Probably not. Life changes, people change. Marriage and love requires understanding that no one is perfect, that guy or girl is just as human as you, when you go to sleep he snores and she probably drools a little bit. Moods swing, words are thrown, problems arise, what counts, what really counts is that at the end of the day you sit together and work them out. Companionship is what a marriage is. An understanding that two grown people, mature in age and knowledgeable of themselves and who they are, desire to be with another who can hold their hand and walk with them through life acting as a support when you are strong and a cushion to fall back onto when you are weak, someone who, for better or worst has sworn to stand by you forever, no questions asked. Isn't that what life is all about? Loving God, loving yourself and loving the one He has so graciously prepared for you.

It scares me to think that hey, in the next five or six years I could be married, and attached for the rest of my life. I think that's what draws me so close to this movie. I love Zach Braff, of course, I think hes a genius and innovator in the film world, hes intelligent and handsome and all of the things draw me to a great star. But my absolute favorite thing about him is his careful attention to normalcy, hes said in interviews before he doesn't want to make some movie about things that would never happen to a normal person. Hes said consistently that his concerns and creativity lie in the sphere of the extraordinary things that make being a human so difficult and yet so beautiful. Garden State was a perfect example of that. This next movie just brings it closer. Everyone has doubts, everyone loves. What counts is that when it comes right down to that one, that person that you absolutely love and want to spend the rest of your life with, everything else is small, you realize that life doesn't cease to be exciting once you've gotten everything society deems you need to be content. That life, in all its sadness and struggle is beautiful, more beautiful than sunrises or sunsets, its beautiful in the tears that we shed, the blood that we shed and the kisses that we share. At the end of our lives we want to look back and say, yes, I lived, I traveled, I saw and learned and listened, but most importantly of all, I loved, and I loved with all that I have. In the end that's what counts, not the treasures you laid up inn the world, but the love that you gave...

'Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. and so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across centuries? Will strangers hear our names and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?'
-Odysseus